It’s been a long time folks. My last post was all about balancing the world of mama life and two jobs and it seems that it sent my blog down a deep, dark hole.
I feel sad about that. I have a lot of content in me that I want to write and share.
But I’m not gonna lie, right now I am tired. I sometimes doubt I made the right decision about work. I miss Esther. I still very often doubt my ability to be a good mum. And after being at work on a computer all day, the last thing I want to do is come home and do it again. Maybe there’s even part of me that feels less qualified to share things now I’m not at home so often.
You can often find me daily [maybe hourly, eek] on Instagram. But after a couple of weeks holiday a few weeks ago I haven’t even been inspired to get back on it.
I think I’m just a bit tired of a full mind.
Maybe what I need is time to be still.
It doesn’t come often as a mama does it. Even when your little one is in bed it becomes time to read up on fun activities you can do with them or start getting clued up on nappy training or worrying about whether you actually are feeding them ok.
I read this article a little while ago about Simon Cowell giving up his mobile phone and the positive impact it has had on his mental health. I’ve seen the cynical responses people have had to this and how people have interpreted his attitude as condescending but whatever you think of him, there is something in it isn’t there. Something about an undistracted life and being present in the moment.
I can imagine without my phone I would engage in being still or present for a couple more hours each day. I’m sure my mind might be a little less tired.
So I may have been absent but I think I’ve needed some time to be still. To figure out if I still want to write this blog and to realise I haven’t failed by having a few months out. There is still stuff in me to share and I want to, I just might not be that good at keeping on top of it.